Members of church congregations usually trust their priests, pastors, deacons and other members of the clergy. While that trust is usually well placed, there are times when that trust is established by the clergy for nefarious purposes.
Clergy members who are building trust for the purpose of sexually abusing their victims are grooming them. Understanding how this happens may be beneficial for people who are concerned that they or one of their loved ones is being groomed.
Emotional manipulation disguised as spiritual care
Clergy members typically occupy a revered position within their communities. They’re seen not only as moral guides but also as trusted confidants. This status gives them access to people’s most vulnerable moments—grief, guilt, family struggles or spiritual crises. In these moments, a predator posing as a trusted spiritual advisor may offer comfort and guidance, gradually drawing the person closer through emotional dependency.
They might offer special attention, treat the person as uniquely gifted or favored, or create an illusion of a deep spiritual connection. To a child or vulnerable adult, this can feel like a sacred bond. But in reality, it can be the early stage of manipulation designed to blur boundaries.
Establishing secrecy and dependency
As the trust deepens, secrecy often becomes part of the relationship. The clergy member may encourage the victim to keep conversations confidential under the guise of pastoral care or religious tradition. They may also isolate the individual by discouraging outside influence, reinforcing the idea that no one else will understand the “special” connection.
Dependency is further encouraged through gifts, privileges or frequent personal attention. The victim may begin to feel indebted or obligated, or believe that this relationship is key to their spiritual growth. In some cases, the abuser may even suggest that the abuse is part of God’s will or a sign of divine favor—deepening confusion and shame.
Victims of clergy abuse may have trouble speaking up because they misunderstand that trust. Once they decide to speak up, they may realize that legal action is a necessary step. Working with someone familiar with these matters may be beneficial since these cases can be complex.